Sex is Stupid

Sex is stupid, sex is dumb
how can you have sex with someone
when you don’t love them?

Oh, i know the answer,
you start to like them
afterwards, it starts to
get under your skin

then you start
to worry about them

dont have sex
with someone you don’t love
already, it just leads to

21 thoughts on “Sex is Stupid

    1. if it helps my story arch to make more sense, one of my triggers is feelings of infatution…ie, love. i have been traumatized more than once to believe thats when horrible things happen.

  1. Sure… and you must protect yourself with walls and prickles. This is where your therapist goes and stabs you maybe. Thank you for sharing the insight… this is brave of you. As you can see, your writing invokes many emotions and reaches people.

  2. Searching without for what is within is a hollow proposition…always. I like how you made your insight abundantly clear. I wrote about giving out sex too soon in my poem “Love’s Labour Is Not Lost”. Read it here if you want, or not…

  3. What interesting ideas about sex and love! I’ve always thought about sex as another way to get to know someone– sometimes it has convinced me that I know someone as much as I want to. Sometimes I have wanted to climb inside someone and stay there. For me, this is always where the danger lies and my natural survivor hypervigilance goes to war with my human desire for that kind of comfort, that kind of letting go of self. During sex is one of the few times that my brain is not on complete overdrive but the trust has got to be there to relax and just be in that moment. Okay, I think I just said way more about me and sex than I intended!

    1. Your struggle and experiences are important to me and interesting, because, as you know, so many of us on this site go through similar things. We are survivors.

    2. In the right circumstances (trust and relaxed) it is comforting like you say, beautiful, letting go, mindful… being in the moment, in addition to being erotic perhaps… but preferably sensual, almost transcendental. I feel like since I finally had something special like this, I could’ve died, as i was already in heaven. And why all this is so perplexing to me some days. Thank you both for your insight’s.

  4. I think that as survivors sex can represent so many things– some of them positive, some of them negative, some of them neutral. For a long time, sex was never just sex. But is sex ever just sex? Taking back our sexuality, making our pleasure, our chosen relationship central to our lives is part of healing. It can be a way to take back our power. It can also became a a way to inflict more harm on ourselves and repeat patterns that make us feel badly about ourselves. When I was in my 20’s I would sometimes have sex with people I really didn’t want because they were nice and I didn’t want to hurt feelings and if we had done it before, it was a lot of work to explain why I didn’t want to do it again. I didn’t know when I was younger how much it cut me off from other people to have to be on the ceiling, how to ask for help, how to get grounded. Sex can be an escape, a refuge, a trigger. Not surprisingly, it has been easier to negotiate what I need and want emotionally and physically in a long-term relationship with someone I trust but the reality is the intimacy issues are something I have had to negotiate and renegotiate many times over my life. It is not just new lovers and new sexual relationships that trigger those flight or fight feelings, that isolation like there is always some piece of me that is unknowable, untouchable and unbearably lonely. I still, after all these years, do not like the limitations of being merely human and think that my pain is mine to bear alone, my burden to bear. I don’t like to need, I don’t like to want because it makes me vulnerable. At risk. I am currently surrounded by good men who have appointed themselves my friend and my champion and I honestly don’t know what to do with that some days. I both appreciate it and feel freaked out that I must be radiating my vulnerability out into the universe. And then I laugh at myself because isn’t that exactly what I do with my writing? You are much better than I with the fuck you tone!

      1. I enjoy your openness. It’s helping me process things. So thank you. And i said “like” because i must be having a logistical issue only on Georgia’s site where I cannot hit like on other’s comments. Anyway, a work around. This is fun.

    1. thank you for sharing-im glad im at the end of my twenties. this may not be the healthiest thing ive done in some ways, but in others, its very empowering. i took it back with help. im seeing everything through a half lidded fog, its very pretty

      1. I think I tend to look this all as a spiral. I would LIKE healing to be a linear progression, but there are many reasons why we spiral in one direction toward healing and then can spiral back into regression. The fact that I am talking about this at all with anyone outside of my husband is a HUGE big deal. I have been thinking a lot about your earlier post this week Your Fetish. I have met those “nice” guys, I have also met people who when you disclose get all enraged and belligerent treat it like it is a personal offense against them that they need to avenge. Hmmm. . . thought it was about me! What has been most refreshing recently are the men I have met here who basically just said thank you for being brave and didn’t pity me, try to fix me or see it as theirs if that makes sense.

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