Nesting Dolls (My life as lived in a small town)

He told me once,
“Life is not a sheet of paper
you can’t just crumple it up
and start over
on a nice, fresh sheet.
I wish it was too,
but it isn’t.”

and I didn’t believe him
I was too busy
fleeing the country
my body is full
of escape hatches and
abrupt endings

I’ve broken my own heart
with leftover longings,
but still kicked myself out
of various situations
for the smallest of reasons

eight years and two horrible
break ups later,
I still speak to him
on a casual basis
because he was right,
my life is a notebook
and it’s the spiral kind

I love where I’m living
I could pick up any day
and leave it if i wanted
ive panicked and considered
various invitations

but when two guys get into
a fight at the bar here
they drink together again
soon after, they have to
and it’s not such a big deal

I’ve kissed three boys
at three different restaurants
since I’ve moved here and left them
but I can still go back there

there’s nowhere else
where the food’s as good,
it’s a simple decision
and they understand that
no one expects anyone to go
anywhere, we’re stuck here

and we keep having
each other,
i feel sane written
on one ongoing scroll
i am forgiven
and remembered
and im starting
to see other people
as my neighbors

3 thoughts on “Nesting Dolls (My life as lived in a small town)

  1. Love both the crumpled paper metaphor as well as the spiral notebook– I have a lifelong obsession with spiral notebooks. My boss has an obsession with composition notebooks and I sometimes wonder if this is why he and I do not get along better . . .

  2. The introspection resonates… I’ve just shed my skin, as Jasper says… finding my way again, reflecting a lot on past lives, trying to settle.

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