Lead Paint Chips

i am feverish and half cognizant
of where i am and what is happening
i must have taken several lead paint chips
like bullets from that old, colonial house,
they must have shot into my open mouth
over and over,
until i swallowed them
and became quite sick
never to be the same again-

something like that must have happened-
im sure from my stomach’s reactions
it was something I ingested

i am overcome with it.i am feeling feverish
but i said that already, or didn’t it?
See? even my grammar is suffering.

i dont know who you are to me
but i am groping for you
its your name im calling already
and you lay your hand on
my hot head and kiss it
you are there for me

i need you to be.
so i try to keep my temperature
even. i try to keep it a secret.
i want you to hang in there.
i have a feeling it’ll get better,
this fever dream, with you in it

Contracting a Lover

I posted an ad that said, simply
I am ready to be adored,
and someone should do that for me.

Now, I have a contract in my hands,
shaking with anticipation, holding
the terms of letting you adore me
and of staying adorable indefinitely

There will be no more guessing,
we both have certain demands.
and we have open negotiations
continuing…

I tell him no, maybe…but, yes.
I will definitely be seeing you again
I sign my real name where he asks
and he takes it from me, smiling.
I hang onto a copy.

I’ve reread it so many times already
it should be crumpled and fading
but it’s not written on the kind of paper
that can’t withstand a beating-
this agreement is binding

Damp Basement Air

I have entered into
the dark underworld
of fetishism
tripped and stumbled in
on his say so
his softly writ commands
demanded my attention

and now there are ropes
and ribbons
hanging from the ceiling
i am peering over
my shoulder, scared
until there he is,
coming to meet me

and i have to smile
because even in the dark
it’s clear to me
that i’ve never seen a thing
so lovely as what he
has to say to me

he leads me by the hand,
away from everything
i tell my friends
if im not home by morning
call the police
and they swear by it
because they can see
that this is serious

but i notice
in the damp basement air,
there are red hearts
fluttering softly
here and there