Public Halfway Decent Thoughts


  1. “Don’t” is a complete sentence, and one of the most powerful ones. If someone says it to you, immediately cease and desist whatever you’re doing.
  2. Don’t ever block someone’s exit, no matter how cute you think you’re being.
  3. If your puppy tends to wander off during cuddle time, keep a stuffed animal replica on hand so you can always replace him with it immediately. (Do not apply this rule for significant others.)
  4. After a certain stage of life, it’s not about self-control anymore. It’s about preference.
  5. Retrace your steps and ask yourself, what would a private eye think of my actions? Periodically check for potential private eyes so you can ask them what they think of you.
  6. A face without zits and wrinkles is like a landscape without mountains and valleys.
  7. Don’t let your landlord dictate whether or not you can have a dog.
  8. Just knowing people leaves scars on you. The closer you let them get, the more visible the damage. Forget the negative connotations of the last two sentences.
  9. Would you rather be a victim or a villain? You have to choose one.

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