You want to be a director
and yet the videos you take of me
to prove that I should stop drinking
always make you look like the jerk
and even i can admit Ive been the villain
in these exact situations before
but from the moment of “Action!”
I’m either, “Please leave me alone,
honey, im sleeping.” Or “Everybody
look at me!” “Why?” “Cause…
I’m gonna be naked!”
“Come here…i want to show you something”
it makes you look
like a statutory rapist.
This latest one,
I’m showing to my therapist
you are teasing me and laughing
and I am getting visibly upset
I take your keys and lock you out
for ten whole minutes
but I never raised my voice or anything.
in fact, it looks like you were egging me on.
I love you very much.
That’s why, if you get arrested
i will always remind you of the right to stay silent
before you do something incriminating.