“I love you, but I think we want different things from life. Can we just be friends?”
No, no, I can’t say that. I bite my tongue and say nothing. He leaves a gift outside my door, it’s the book I wanted. I curl up, alone, and read it before reporting to work in the morning. Eight hours at the screen and then a boyfriend who is never ready for anything. All of it is better than nothing.
I know. I’ve seen the dark edges of nothing before, and I have a tendency to tug at them. I quit the job and break up the relationship. The whole thing unravels, including me.
Last time it happened, I adopted a puppy. I tell people, if it weren’t for him, Id be in Saudi Arabia. They say, well, thank god for him, then. They don’t understand. If it weren’t for him, alot of things.
I won’t say I regret it-he’s my best friend-I just wish i could get further than where i am.