Couldn’t you have left this on voicemail?

When was the last time

you had to break eye contact

because you were struggling not to cry?

I’ll tell you mine:


He said, “This is your performance review.

I want to say, right off the bat,

that I like you. I think you’re cute.

But you’re just too stupid for us to hire

at the moment. However, I’m going to add

that I think you could have a future

in lawn mowing if you really set your mind to it.

12 thoughts on “Couldn’t you have left this on voicemail?

  1. He said “…you’re just too stupid…?”
    He actually fucking said THAT?

    What a dick! He’s so stupid, he doesn’t grasp the concept of tact or decency or about how-not-to-be-an-arrogant-dick.

    p.s. I know you’ve probably heard this already (and even if I hate this expression) it’s his loss.

    1. He didn’t actually say that I was stupid, but he did say the bit about mowing lawns, so I feel like the stupid part was implied. Ah, well-thank you. โค

      1. Ahhh…I’m stupid (and gullible lol). Really though…he’s still a douche. I once worked with a guy who may have been your guy’s brother, actually. He was my superior so for a long time I kept my mouth shut and did as I was told. One day though, when he’d been a prick for the gazillionth time, I argued with him. He said “you’re very abrasive, Allane” and he smiled in that passive/aggressive way. So pissed off I replied, before I’d considered what I was saying… “because you’re such a patronising dick”. He laughed and we spoke about it though, but I didn’t like him any better afterwards.

      2. lmao-i hope you at least liked yourself better afterwards though, great story โค I feel you-i could never talk back to a superior like that, although there were times I really should've. I wish I was more like you
        And I could be your gullible sister. At a poetry recently, a poet said he knew a korean translator and was able to actually get a transcription of Trump's meeting with Kim Jong Un in Singapore-me and my stupid friend's eyes LIT up before he started reading and we realized, of course, it was just a joke-all in good fun though!! I used to get mad about how I'd fall for anything-now I think it's sort of fun ๐Ÿ™‚

      3. Yeah me too haha… I’m not really that gullible though. That’s a great story too. I was brought up to respect my elders so that one occasion was pretty much it. It could’ve had the opposite effect if he’d taken offence. I reckon he’d heard it before tho’ (cos he WAS a patronising dick). I am less tolerant now, but tend to think “you’re a dick” than say it out loud.๐Ÿ˜x

    2. I’m incredibly sensitive about my ability to hold a job. I asked why I was being fired once and was told, “You’re slow.” My head is often in the clouds.

      1. It’s ok I guess if you know your own faults, but telling someone who’s asking for feedback that they’re slow, is shit too imo. I’d just love to be able to get an interview. I’ve applied for loads of jobs in the last 10 years and the applications are not even acknowledged. You have a good job, don’t you? X

      2. I mean, i hate my job and i expect to get fired any day-but yes I do. ๐Ÿ™‚ That’s not nothing, I guess.

      3. Aw, you hate it. That’s shit then. I’ve been lucky with most of my jobs. When I worked in graphics I loved them so much that I’d have married them if I could’ve. Now I just work to live, not the other way round and that’s sad.

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