Alphabet of Scars

Acne, Abandonment issues, Alcoholism (cured/dormant), Avoidance symptoms, Anxiety, Agoraphobia (intermittent)

Bulimia (cured/dormant)

“Cunt,” Cigarette burns

“Dyke,” Delusions, the need to be prescribed Demerol for gynecological exams, Dysfunctional coping mechanisms, Depression

Eggs (all rotten…?)

Flight/Fight/Freeze response, Fetishism, “Fearfulness” (symptoms of)

Gynecologist (fear of)

Hindsight (not at all 20/20)

Infidelity, Infertility, Insecurity

J_ _ _ _  (a name)

Knees (completely scarred over)

Love (fear of)

Motor vehicle accident, Men (fear of)

Nausea (related to stress), Nightmares

Operation

Pregnancy (fear of), Panic attacks, Paranoia, Psoriasis (related to stress)

Qualms (frequent and unfounded)

Rape

Sexual dysfunction (cured/dormant), Sobriety (mandated), Shingles (related to stress), Stress (unfounded)

Trauma, Triggered (to a life limiting extent)

Uncontrollable fits of rage

Vacant expression

Wrist, “Whore”

Xerox machine (violence against)

Yellowed fingers, Years left unspoken about

Zealotry, Zoning out (as a coping mechanism)

 

 

The Teacher’s Mistake #AmIcrossingtheline? #No? #Howaboutnow?

One of my student’s posted a photo of me

at her in-class birthday party

and facial recognition asked

to tag me. Minutes later

I received a friend request

and wondered if it’d be crossing the line

to accept it, right after i did

 

shortly after that, i accidentally

sent a dancing birthday bear

and she sent me a picture of her

in a corset. It was a halloween costume

and I told her she looked great in it

she sent me seven kissy face emojis

after that i got 40 more friend requests

all from my current students

How the medication changed me

When the toilet clogs, I plunge it

and when that doesnt work

because i ran out of toilet paper

three days ago and started using

paper towels instead

I call the maintenance man

and I let him in

 

When my dog freaks out

at this strange man

in our apartment

i can calm him down

i stick him in his crate

feed him treats

and lead by example

i show him im not panicking

 

and none of the awful things

i thought would happen did

i dont get evicted or questioned

extensively about my toilet habits

the maintenance man even

came bearing toilet paper as a gift

 

And when i get a parking ticket

i fight it. I wear my purple cardigan

to meet the hearings officer

and I win, she dismisses it

so i save fifty dollars

 

She doesn’t ask me

who i was visiting

or where i live

she doesn’t try to revoke

my parking permit

or my license

 

and when i think about

what i should be doing

the answers arent

Get in touch with my ex!

Adopt an animal!

or Try cocaine again!

it’s usually, Man, I really

ought to go to the gym

This American Life

He says, “I don’t want to live

a Brazilian life. I want an American life

like you. I want to get married when I’m 26

and have a baby at 30. That’s why I admire you

because you waited until you got your career straight.”

“Nah,” I sigh, “that’s exactly what I wanted, too”

He says, “Well, you still have time,” and then

after a pause, he asks, “Wait, how old are you?

 

Side Gig

I make as much an hour casting spells

for hopeful tourists as I do in an hour of teaching

but half of it is cash so i dont have to claim it

plus when I’m feeling sad, I can just open

my money drawer at home and organize the stacks

 

There is always a hogwarts style buffet on hand

buffalo pizzas, turkish salads, roasted meats

apple cider and unlimited bottles of water and candy

there are also people who will go around to make sure

you get the chance to eat-though they shouldn’t bother with me

half the time i find a quiet space, pull out a book and read

 

There are the spells i cast for wishes that come true

the cancer survivors, the love stories, the people who return

there’s the fact that I have my own performance room

and there’s only one other witch-i trained her in spellcasting

she trained me on my corset-we are assets. i know if either one of us

were to get mad and storm off, the show wouldnt go on

so no one is ever allowed to fuck with us

sometimes they do, but mostly they don’t