Is the crisis over?

is the crisis over?
some of my neighbors are still homeless
but that isnt my fault thank god
because my landlady wanted a woman
and i was the only one in the building
i can still send them resources
and drop off things and it helps me
i think the crisis is almost over
and that we will all get placed
but i still cant sleep

i can afford to eat without worrying
about what ill do tomorrow
the funds havent come in
but i have toilet paper
where before, i didnt

i dont have to depend on charity
although i worry about being indebted
about baking cookies, what a trial that will be
when my heart is still beating too wildly
my friends have started to talk about other things
two of them have found love and i have many phone calls owed

my therapist said that all the generosity
doesnt detract from the wounds thatll start festering
if i dont address them-ill address the fire with wellbutrin
ill miss my sweet little apartment
with my books, my clothes, my grandmother’s paintings
but mostly ill miss the window with my writing desk
and i cant help but think of the men
when i was in there with a firefighter trying to salvage anything
who barged in, knocked what was left of my little desk over
and broke my window more than it was already broken
they didnt acknowledge me. and there is this shame
involved with having been needy and having been destroyed
in an instant makes me feel weak and i cant help but think
that cancer will be the next big thing…and i cant stop thinking

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One thought on “Is the crisis over?

  1. I was trying to hold it together, but I lost it at “my grandmother’s paintings”

    I so felt this.
    My god, there is no shame in relying on community during the unthinkable. This is a huge loss, a huge grief. Shame on anyone who would make you feel shame.
    đź’”

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