But then I forget

I will not let my pants fall or my shirt lift up

After my shower even if there is moisturizer involved

Because my bedroom window opens onto a statue of the virgin Mary

Looking grieved if not devastated

And the church beyond her has very popular sermons

Both during the day and in the evenings

But my boyfriend is not as shy as me

And when I am with him I forget most everything

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You can scoff and act like I have no sense of loyalty

But did you know my boyfriend of two years to three

Has never asked to marry me?

Oh dont come near me and dont kiss my neck

Because if I’m planning to move away from here

And your fingers are in the waistband of my pants

They are approaching my doom

Oh, please say you wont do it

Let me study in the other room

I understand because I remember the way you followed me home

I lied to my friends and totally abstained from mentioning my trip to Turkey
on Greek Easter since the Greeks are mainly offended by the Turks and vice versa
the truth is my trip to Turkey was not an impulsive move I made
during the long depression after my house burned my dreams away
nor is it a graduation present nor an escape from an unforgivable parent

I have grown to fear loneliness as I would a plague
So I would not like to isolate myself to a café
but I will do it if I have to and I am planning for the worst
the real reason is so unreliable, the whisp of someone I once knew
who sometimes talks to me and sometimes doesn’t
whose health is growing worse

Oh, how could I explain the thousands I spent
in the hopes that a ghost from my past
would open her arms, leave a key and welcome me
when my past has taught me I’d be a fool to believe?

Nevertheless I am going to Turkey. Why, they ask
I don’t know for sure what the result will be
So I downcast my eyes and say to them
Oh, no reason, really

all the while the flames of hope lick at me
Asya, I remember your shoes, how silly they were
when your feet were so small, they were big
they were Timberlands! Asya, I heard your voice
and nothing changed, so I made a wish
I made a wish, with your reinforcement
maybe i dont believe your promises
but i am under such a spell
that I am chasing it

Istayorum

I told her I loved her in Turkish

And she used my Christian name

To warn that I had to stop then or she’d start crying

So I told her in Spanish how much I missed our friendship

And she wept so endlessly

I was afraid I’d drown in it

She used my Christian name when she said

Life is really hard for me now

And I said wasnt it then?

When we last met both our worlds were crumbling

And we remained the best of friends

Really, I think its fate that I’m coming

I can help you sort out all of this

Or at the very least, I can listen

And I cant wait for the day I can see you again

The part they overheard

“But how will we live? Because I remember you said you could never sleep with another person because your nightmares were so bad.”

“Asya, I was a baby then, I’m thirty now and on medication. I would be happy to share your bed.”

“What? I cant hear you, the connection is bad.”

“I SAID I WANT TO SLEEP WITH YOU!” I yell, as the neighbors walk past