Celebrations as a Trigger

My father ruined my graduation

by walking out in the middle of it

and skipping the party my aunt had planned just for me and him

I tried to eat all the extra food she had ordered while my face burned with humiliation

my mother ruined my first and last high school dance

by calling me a cunt and refusing to let me wear

what she referred to as her mother’s dress

Right before she tried to tear it off my body

in the driveway while my ride waited

and my best friends from childhood are either dead

or trying to ruin everything I’ve accomplished

with a few well placed snarky comments

and then there are faceless aunts, uncles, and friends

who have never forgotten my birthday

and made sure no one else did

but that was long after I lost my taste for celebrations

So, is it wrong then that I want my wedding day

to just have myself and my husband in it?

and why is it that the glittering kindnesses I’ve experienced

pale in comparison to the dark cold place

where I used to live?


3 thoughts on “Celebrations as a Trigger

  1. I hate that you had that shit in your life, but
    I totally get why you’d want your wedding small.
    I say, do what the hell you want.
    My wedding was a three ringed circus!
    By that, I don’t mean I had it in a fuckin’ tent,
    but if I EVER get married again (unlikely)
    it will not be like my first one and
    I’ll do whatever I want! ❤

    1. Thank you for reaching out…I’d totes marry you if I wasnt already betrothed 🤗 you deserve the best!

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