At my step-grandfather’s funeral

A relative whispered, “you know, we’re the only ones here because he was accused of raping his daughter from a previous marriage.”

I couldnt remember whether I was ever left alone with him as child.

That’s what I thought of first. Then, of the daughter and the wife.

“No, I didn’t know that.”

All I could do after that was stare at my lap and question my choice of attending and wearing black.

That’s how my family is. I wonder what they’ll whisper at my wedding. Something true and equally horrifying?

She used to cut herself and sleep in the closet. She ran away three times. She had several lesbian relationships. If you look hard enough, you can find naked photos online. She spent ten years addicted to drugs and overdosed twice.

The first thing people will wonder is if I should really be wearing white.


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