How I Outgrew my Pseudonym

When did I grow out of my pseudonym?

at that bed and breakfast in the countryside

of south korea, where these red, plush fruit

were dangling just outside the window

and i plucked one and set it down on the bedspread

while i found a knife and a plate to cut into it

 

No, that’s when i picked up the name Persimmons.

It’s not significant. I just found I really liked them.

 

But on that same trip, my boyfriend couldn’t figure out

how to work the heat and i told him i would handle it

We were freezing. Of course, I didn’t know how to handle it

I was in my twenties. But I pressed some buttons

applied some tin foil, adjusted the cords

and it worked, i got us warm-ok, now we’re getting closer

but that wasn’t the moment i grew out of my pseudonym

 

so maybe it’s this. A room full of people shaking my hand

because they know ive been in their position

refined my expertise on it, and am now

prepared to give lessons on overcoming

 

or when i realized being full grown means taking care of my partner

and letting him take care of me. Or my inbox full of niceties

and confidentiality and love notes, some of them

advice seeking. and i love everyone

but i also love being alone and reading

and i lost my taste for poison

 

So how did i outgrow my pseudonym?

my days are sectioned off into squares

with to do lists on them and food

for the taking and i am more than ok

with everything that’s happening

How could i not be?

I penciled this in

Where I was

I was on the cheerleading squad-

No, you weren’t.

Ok, so I wasn’t. Once, I was

under the bridge in the field

smoking pot, and I thought

I heard a cow in terrible pain-

Did you say anything?

No, because I didn’t want

the guys to know

it was my first time

and i didn’t know

if the screaming cow

was in my head or not.

Did you see it?

Yeah, I said I was going to pee

and I climbed up the hill

then I saw two hoofs

sticking out of her

and she was screaming

and there was

a hell of a lot of blood.

Did you say anything?

No, I went back down

and smoked more pot.

It was strange; no one said

anything at all.