We’re really scared

Tomorrow, we are going to the aquarium

For date night

And we revel in taking care of

Our precious dyed blue orchid

We move it from room to room

To avoid smoke inhalation

We water it in cubes

We have a trainer for our dog

We go on Wednesday nights

All three of us appreciate the learning

And soon, our debt will catch up to us

Over 100,000 dollars

And we dont know what

We can do about it

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A Meek Mantra

My therapist and I

Are working on positive statements

To use as mantras

When my crushing debt brings me down

And makes my world spin sideways off its axis

Ok, so here’s my positive thinking:

Maybe, if I get my insurance sorted

I’ll be able to afford my next two surgeries

There, I did it

When in Crushing Debt, Think of Kittens

I don’t ask him to please not lose his job

Because I know it’s not his decision

And our bills can’t get much worse

And we’re both always exhausted

Instead, I tell him I’m scared

Then he reaches across the table

To stroke my arm, looks out the picture window

And agrees that he’s scared too

That this is the state we’re officially in

Just fearfulness

I smile and ask what’s next

Let’s have spaghetti for dinner

He says, it’s cheap and delicious

And then?

Let’s cuddle under the blankets

And love each other

For almost the same reasons

I mean, think about kittens

They don’t have any money

And what do they do for fun?

They just have it

You’re so right, I say

Let’s adopt a kitten

And just stay in watching it

That can be our entertainment

Isn’t that cheaper than electricity and television?

Sell everything

The christmas decorations are put away

And we think of selling everything

This coat? That set of plates?

To pay off our debts. I keep the decorations hidden.

I had 40,000 in the bank

Our credit could’ve been better, but it was ok

I was going to buy a building and charge rent

All I ever wanted was an extra bedroom

And an extra small person to tuck into its bed

Instead, we have decided to start paying our debts

These are the games people get tired of playing

On the day they are promoted to partner of the company

They see the last ten years wasted

They think of Belize, about how they always wanted a puppy, about making pancakes on a Sunday morning

They sell everything and they leave

They start a new game with a better reward system

Which takes into account the possibility of death

Smoking a joint over your shoulder

And breathing asthmatically

We know that, for some of us, retirement is just a dream

And all we will have in this life is our sundays

Those of us plan accordingly