Window seat

Sometimes, when I’m gazing out the window

Or just sitting by it

Reading about the particular sadness

Of lemon cake and smoking

I wonder if ill see him walking down the sidewalk

And what he’d do if he glanced in

Georgia, he might call, waving

As if we were still friends

But I know that I would shut the blinds

And put myself to bed

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Researching the end of Friendships (part 3)

I’m thinking of having a second child. You know, the more children you have the less at risk you are for breast cancer?

Yeah. Do you remember that my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was twenty? And that I had to stop trying for children after my third miscarriage because the grief was too intense? And that you never even sent a card or anything because you didn’t know how to handle it?

And that is how that friendship ended.

Paper Flower

i gave up in the middle
of a trek across the country
i said to him, in public
where he couldn’t force me
“i quit.”

and I sat down
on a stone wall
in protest

he went away
and came back
with a paper flower
for me to hold and look at

wordlessly
i started walking again
he said i know
how your little mind works
and i can fix it

he called it little
even after he saw
the mines exploding
across the field

even after
i woke up screaming
his name
to stop it
he held me
and said honey
i wont hurt you again
dont worry

but my mind was expansive
and i remembered
his promises
even after he
forgot them again

when i was really
finished
i ran across
the field
there were no
dandelions
only mines
exploding

i made sure
he couldn’t
cross it

even for me
it was injurious
even today
i still keep running
but finally being finished
was the opposite of quitting
it meant a drive to live

even when the field
becomes enormous,
and i wish
i was little
like the paper flower
the portrait he painted
even if the mines
keep exploding

i know i can dodge them

Thank you.

Thank you for propositioning
my best friend for sex
behind my back
after you said
you wanted to be
exclusive.

and thank you (to her)
for calling me up
immediately
to tell me about it
and for wanting
to kill him
then meeting me
for drinks

and thank you
to my professor
for giving me yet
another extension
because i need it