Everyone knows weddings wreak havoc on mental health down at the psych hospital

The crisis specialist tells me my regular therapist will be back very soon and I should try to wait for our appointment. I mention I’m just a little stressed about my wedding and she says oh…well then, you should come right in.

Same thing with the suicide hotline. It’s like there’s a red button with the word wedding on it and when you push it 3 doctors get ready to run up with a straight jacket.

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Walking Pneumonia

How does an apparently healthy thirty year old woman

without an autoimmune disease

who already suffered chicken pox twice as a child

contract the shingles

which is normally reserved for the elderly and infants

and is excruciatingly painful

or pneumonia, bronchitis, strept throat, psoriasis

my psychiatrist says it’s from my stress

and the way I handle it

but Jesus Christ, how could something so psychosomatic

come so damn close to killing me?

each year it’s a new near death experience

until I finally decide to take a warm bath to manage my stress

instead of running undercovers

and holding my breath

Medicine Cabinet

No one is allowed to look in my medicine cabinet
except my friends who by all accounts are as sick as i am
and my aunts who are elderly and have their own impressive stacks
and my boyfriend who mostly just cares about sex
and largely prefers me being nice to him
which many of the pills allow me to become
instead of crying shaking angry drunk
for him, I’ve nicknamed my medication
nice pills and calm down pills and healthy pills
and he doesn’t seem to have a problem with it

so I guess I’m talking about my father, who is visiting
my father is not allowed to look in my medicine cabinet
because he has passed down some impressive genes
and he doesn’t believe in taking pills for sadness
or even the overuse of antibiotics, which I’m also doing
and suddenly I feel terrible about all of it

Another new psychiatrist

So it’s another appointment

and another brand new psychiatrist’s assessment

in which İ’ll be re-diagnosed in under twenty minutes

she says I’m too young to be on heart medication

but my problem is a hyperactive amygdala

putting stress on my organs

and causing my heart

to beat like a rabbit’s

she prescribes yoga

and deep breathing and I say

you know it’s funny

I used to work out every day

but lately I find I spend most of my time

lying in bed

she says, ah, so you’re depressed

and the fact that she didn’t phrase it as a question

makes me so incredibly sad