My dog finds the window
in every place we’ve stayed at
since we lost our home
it doesn’t matter if it’s ground floor
or several flights up
day or night, i open the blinds
and, when applicable, the curtains
this latest dwelling
is the biggest apartment we’ve ever lived in
if he doesn’t greet me at the door
i know he’s either trapped on the table
or lost in closet on the second floor
but with only six days left and all of my appointments
i keep forgetting to puppy proof it for him
i dont know how many snakes are in my midst
relying on kindness is alot easier that relying on trust
because you don’t have to wait to see what happens
and I am a shaking, distracted mess
i have to deal with insurance agents
identity theft in the form of old friends
claiming to want to make a direct donation
to my bank–even my wallet was stolen
in the nanosecond i got distracted
oh, and a curmudgeonly professor
is aiming at my scholarship
three months before my graduation
i just lost everything
do they really want to take what’s left?
I guess I’ll find out
right in time for Christmas
how destroyed i really am
my professor raised her voice at me
behind the closed door of her office
and i raised mine back
she said “You were never a good student
to begin with.”
And I said, “Yeah, professor,
because i had three jobs, and then
i got sick, and then my house burned down
with all my shit in it.”
She said, “Those were choices,
the jobs at least. And you know,
i never really got a chance
to talk to you about your poetry
it really needs more training
it is completely off the page
it’s sloppy and it comes off
as laziness. I really don’t like it.”
then i realized the only way
to pass this class was to practice
some humility and i bowed my head
I said “What can i do to fix it?”
and she said she would only give me
a passing grade because she felt sorry for me
and i deserved much less
and then she took the opportunity
to lament my sad little life
and how id end up penniless
if i didnt pursue a PHD
I said “Actually, I’m quite happy.”
She said, “That’s what all
exploited people think.
And do you even have a bed to sleep on?
Oh, I can’t even imagine!”
and she grinned
“Can I admit something to you?
I invented that shopping trip in Salem
just so i could help you
and you wouldn’t reject it”
“Can I admit something to you?
Man, i really needed a friend
thank you, oh thank you
have i thanked you yet?
“What are you, a cancer?”
“That makes alot of sense.”
I saw your post about losing your wallet.Do you need anything?
Thank you, no.
Do you need gas money, food, food for your puppy?
Really, thank you, don’t worry.
Do you need a friend?
Eh, nah, I’m too ugly. I’ll be ok.
im just going to lie in bed and weep anyways
Really, do you need anything at all?
today was meant to be my clean up day
i would make donations, bake cookies
make up a month of lesson plans
alleviate and dissipate my disaster
and vacuum up the remains
but i just finished filing two police reports
because the unexpected is a thief
now today is a lost day, its been stolen from me
its not even noon yet
but all i will do from the afternoon into the evening
is cry into my dog’s hair and look up at the ceiling